As long as there is trying to be something, there will be stress, there will be suffering. There will be reactivity of the mind in any case, in any situation when its beingness, when its belief in what it is, gets threatened… To become a spiritual person, to become a traveler, to become a nice man, all these sooner or later will cause the mind to suffer. To become a good person, to become a friend, an adviser all these are doomed to make the mind dark.
How, how to live beyond that, how to quiet this vicious cycle of becoming, of being, of forming… I am more and more aware of my falseness, of the strange fact that I’m nothing more than a virtual being, virtual person. All what I did, all my memories of who I was, and what I am, what is my purpose, are working underneath the conscious mind causing it to react, to respond to life events in a certain way. With happiness and joy, or with suffering and sadness… Marcin you are good, soon you will be good enough to help people to make their lives better. That sounds so nice, so tempting. And that’s what creates such a great dose of suffering, distress and struggle. The life becomes a path, a path to achieve something, a path to become someone, in this case a nice, useful man. And every event, every emotion, every sensation, every other mind encountered in this journey is being judged, is being evaluated through the lenses of usefulness to achieve this ideal, to become this. Krishnamurti was so right. The ideal kills the life, kills interest, corrupts the mind. The ideal of a holy man, of an enlightened being or the ideal of successful, useful member of society. It always causes the same. Never-ending judgment of life events, of the present moment, the lack of interest, the mechanistic view: follow that, follow that technique, and you will become, you will become what you always wished for, what you got conditioned to wish for. Whatever you grew up in, whatever you got exposed to, whatever you believed in that it will bring you peace, will bring you everlasting happiness… And then you start killing the life, killing the present, using it as a currency, for which you will buy the better self, the more accepted one, more loved one, more powerful one.